i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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