So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize