I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My ass is underappreciated
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
