So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
