my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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