I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
