So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
