honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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