whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
