Someone shit on the floor
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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