at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
