Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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