I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
