11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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