Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
