Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This house was built for laser tag.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
