It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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