I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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