You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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