i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
