I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
