My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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