the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize