vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
