Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
