Dual....:-)
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You should frame my arrest warrant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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