waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Help. Why am I so naked?
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