Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
