I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
