In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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