I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
