I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize