It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
