let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
