So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
