I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
