im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
