Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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