i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
