Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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