We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize