Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
