Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize