And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
