Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
soo... how was my night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
