I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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