batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Holy shit dude........stairs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
