Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize