Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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