He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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