i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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