he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize