quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
