I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
