i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
