Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
