You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
