omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
