ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
