i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize