You're my little dorito
Your tits are I can't wait for
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this boner is exhausting
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need to calm my uterus...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
