did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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