Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize