I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
