i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
