Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
