After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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