I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
