I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
