Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
only if we run a train.
done.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
