my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
