is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Randomize
