The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
50% drunk capacity currently
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
